Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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