I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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