In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
