so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
