So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
