I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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