brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
