The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
