I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm just crazy horny about you
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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