no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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