This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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