he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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