it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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