I wish I could teleport
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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