just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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