i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
