Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
