once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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