you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
