I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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