my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
