I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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