I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
