you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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