Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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