I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I think my vagina is haunted
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
