Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I want a musical about memes.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
