I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
