I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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