a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
