I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
