Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
