My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
