Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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