he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
