Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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