great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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