Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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