omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
