'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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