Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
