the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
