Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
