I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
