ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
