yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
