i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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