Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Alive.
So much puke
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
