I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
