I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
